Master your negotiating skills

Whatever the situation, whether it is with an employer, family member or business, we all negotiate for things each day like higher salary, better service or solving a dispute with a coworker or family member. Here are some negotiation skills, techniques and strategies to help you handle these situations more effectively.

1. Know thyself. When you go into a negotiation, take a personal inventory. How do you feel about negotiation? Do you want to get it over fast? If so, you may give in too quickly, or give away too much. Or, do you want to win, no matter what the cost? If so, you may become adversarial and damage the relationship.

2. Do you home work. Know who you are negotiating with before you begin. What is his or her reputation as a negotiator – win-win model or win-lose model? Does the person want to negotiate with you, dread the negotiation, or is this a neutral situation? A word of advice: think, think, think.

3. Practice double and triple think. It is not enough just to know what you want out of negotiation. You also need to anticipate what the other party wants (in other words double think). The smart negotiator also tries to anticipate what the other party thinks you want (triple think).

4. Build trust. Negotiation is a highly sophisticated and skilled form of communication. Without trust, there won’t be communication. Instead you will have manipulation and suspicion masquerading as communication. Be trustworthy. Honour your commitments. Tell the truth and very importantly always respect confidences.

5. Develop external listening. Learn to listen well. Most people carry on an inner dialogue with themselves. Especially when you are trying to communicate with someone else, this inner dialogue becomes a problem because you can’t listen internally and externally at the same time.

When you negotiate, turn off your inner voice and only listen externally. You won’t miss important non-verbal messages, facial expressions of voice inflections, when you listen externally.

6. Move beyond positions. Remember, it is risky to make yourself vulnerable to someone. That is why in a negotiation you being by stating your position. Later, when the trust has deepened, you and the other party can risk more honesty and identify your true interests.

As a negotiator, it is your responsibility to ask questions that will uncover the needs or interests of the other party. If you have also done your job of creating a supportive climate, you are more likely to get honest answers.

7. Own your power. Do not assume that because the other party has one type of power, that he or she is all-powerful. That’s giving away your power!

Balance this power by assessing the other parties source(s) of power, and then your own. While there are many sources of power, they all break down into two categories; internal power and external power. No one can take the former power away from you and it includes your personal power, level of self-esteem and self-confidence.

External power fluctuates with your situation. For example, if you are laid off or demoted you can lose position power. If new technology is introduced, you can lose your expertise power. Because the dynamics of power are so changeable, a negotiation is never dead.

8. Know your “BATNA”. BATNA stands for Best Alternative to A Negotiated Agreement. The acronym comes out of the research on negotiation conducted by the Harvard Negotiation Project. Before you begin a negotiation, know what your options are.

Can you walk away from the deal? What other choices do you have? What are the pros and cons of each choice? Don’t stop here. Also consider the BATNA of the other party.

9. Know what a win is. What is your best-case scenario? What is your worst-case scenario? The area in between is called your settlement range. If you can reach an agreement within your settlement range, that’s a Win! Never drop below your bottom line. You’ll feel bad about yourself and the deal afterwards, and you many not follow-through on your commitments.

10. Enjoy the process. Negotiation is a process, not an event. There are predictable steps – preparation, creating the climate, identifying interests, and selecting outcomes – that you will go through in any negotiation.