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Failing to understand Business!

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Don't forget to post your comments! Few weeks ago I created a blog, an online journal of my musings that has, so far, only been read by few of my friends.

Many times I read that blogs have been growing almost exponentially in the past couple of years. I also read that most blogs are nothing more than virtual soapboxes for vanity drivel.

Despite this negative comment and the lack of support shown by the very few, I remain undeterred.

Indeed, I’m so undeterred that I’ve decided to share a few of my blog entries so that you can judge for yourself.

Recently, I asked one of my Malay friend about how she liked and to put on comments but she insisted doesn’t have any idea. So I let go of it. Then I felt I am the one who have just to go on as I’m just the beginner.

To start to write my blog I really don’t have the perfect place for a mind’s adventure. At the end of yesterday afternoon I walked here and there within my apartments where four of us stay together, wondering just how I would begin. Soon every one of them left me alone in my apartment and I was sitting right in front of my PC, still wondering how to kick start. Then I came across my pay slips which just lay on the drawer adjacent from where my PC is located. I once again, went through the whole contains of my pay slips and wonder how limited is my stipend. I used to earn hard cash when I used to have my own business. Though it was a small single unit of Shoe Store, I prefer to call it my business because I was totally relying on it for more than three years.

Since Feb. last year, whenever people look at me I wonder if it was because they can see the hole that has been punched right in the middle of my body. I wonder if they can see the void, the pain and the sadness that originate from every pore, and from the very core of my being.

The vivid and often shocking account is still in my mental cap. It was really spooky when I initially put my hand in business. It was obvious because I had never expected to own it by myself when I was going through certain breakdowns. Well, since I owned it, I had always envisioned growing and enhancing it. On my presence, I’d always strived to give it the best.

For more than three long years, it was my lover I cared for, laughed with, played with, and ran with, sat up with when it was down for sometime, comforted when it was scared. For those who do love their own business, you’ll know it’s not unlike the feelings that parents has for their children. Who says one must have turned up to be real parent to feel and show Bhavana ra Maya? (Passion & love that is).

The irony is I always thought it was my dependant because I invested in it to stuff and maintain its figure. The fact is, having seen the fading shadow today; I now realized the impact and the degree of which I was depended on it. And, God, I missed my shop so much. Sometimes I think I would die from the intensity of this pain and longing.

I just have to close my eyes and I see its fancy decoration and colorful spotlights pointing at the latest model of foot wears to realize its smiling face. I remember the smell that entirely revolves in it.

My emotions nowadays are tumbling of guilt, sadness, hope, despair, anguish, worry, fear and regrets. Thought of it (shop) dominant my every walking moment and the little sleep I’ve managed to get, I dreamt of her (my dear shop).

It was a kind of pain that knows no bounds when one loses not just the shop.

I would like to believe I have not lost her and it hasn’t been auctioned. I had heard stories of people who almost lost their business and sit aside a corner and the pale face, which reflects many questions – unanswerable! And the next “in number” was my turn – emotional distress, anguish and a big hole on my chest….

The thought of never-ending pain and tragedy all were left.

In the grand equation of things, I do believe what goes around does come around. After all, hope is all what I can do and live with to enhance my solitary life.

Now after more than a year’s time, since I auctioned my business, I came to understand this that there were many external as well as internal factors that resulted this. Firstly, I trusted my so-called brother more than anyone else. My trust for someone so near had been badly betrayed and not even justified. Secondly, all of us were failed to comply simple rules of business etiquette with regard to customer service, investment and managing capital. JUMP TO MY ANOTHER BLOG PAGE. CLICK HERE

What Should I Do With My Life?

It's time to define the new era. Our faith has been shaken. We've lost confidence in our leaders and in our institutions. Our beliefs have been tested. We've discredited the notion that the Internet would change everything (and the stock market would buy us an exit strategy from the grind). Our expectations have been dashed. We've abandoned the idea that work should be a 24-hour-a-day rush and that careers should be a wild adventure. Yet we're still holding on.

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