Nothing replace family

Families are very important. It is the main contributing factor to love and happiness. I can say this because over the years it had taught me what it is like to be far away from family. One can only imagine a boundless love and security when it concerns families.

Otherwise, once you stepped into the wild world out side, there you are, the chances are, things might go pretty vulnerable to you and your sole survival. They try to harm you and make you be in deprivation, they just pull your leg down till you drop. These all are what I’ve accounted within 12 years isolation of my life, which is, still continue. Besides, you will encounter truly funny peoples, who play a god in front of you and stab your back as an evil. The most convenient route they took is in the form of friends and we simply sway along with them until we realize we are making a wrong move and sometime it would be too late to recover.

I really hate telling this tale of my sole being because people just think that I am over reacting. The only reason why I keep telling this is to educate people from all walks of life. This is not age specific. Every one equally needs to understand this.

Musing of my Loneliness

I've many times, even till recently, jotted my views about what difference does a friend can make in ones life. They're just like a capsule or devine medicine to keep us buoy all the time in order to reach to our goal and it's very much true.

At the same time, I wonder whether the ideological paradigm has shifted to different set of belief now. Otherwise, why this musing keep nudging me every now and then?

I've friends that I could count on but sometime I think, I, myself made them took me for granted and that's why I'm not hearing from them. Or, do I not know where lies the fault - in my part or in theirs'?

However, I am not disappointed because all reliance on person is useless. No one is yours, and you belong to no one. So this counting on others, where does it come? Do we not see that, when times are good, there will be many around us and when bad times approaches, all and sundry will abandon us!

So why not count on the real true friend, God, who will be with you in all circumstances, good or bad.

I didn't ask for it but m changed

There are notable changes in my behaviour over the past few years. Particularly since I came to Malaysia. I forgot to laugh, joke, make a fun and caricature and I forgot to be the way I was before. I remember my friends calling me "bunny' because my upper front teeth resembles to bunny.

While back home some five years ago, I'm the most chit-chat and chatter box one. I made people laugh and cry and make them be in awe. Never fought with anyone, never once raised my voice to my parents, teachers, and superiors but not always can we be the same old dude. It is very much true that time really make one change and transform into never-been-before being. Every time I wanted to say something "nice and hilarious", peoples would take me otherwise or so I think.

Language barrier is one vital factor contribuiting to this. Another reason, fueling to my transformation is, of course, my loneliness. I stopped saying it because people get irritated to hear same thing over and over again and when I realised it, many have gone far from touch. If only I could bring them back, I'll explain them in detail the real reason of my isolation. But that's not important now!

In fact,among them many have known it but these people didn't try to look at the situation from my point of view.They could have realised too as how scary is it to be ALONE in life if they only could have brought themselves to walk in my shoes. I used to cry over my lonliness before but not now. When you'd left alone in the wild world you'd learn it by youself as how to survive and in no time be used to it.Whether you choose it yourself or forced by other or whatever the reason be.

Coming to the point, feeling irritation over small matters, not being able to make an eye contact with peoples ... and so on were the recent changes in my behaviour, which obviously is not a good sign. Also, I used to be very much outdoor going guy but now I find myself locked inside my flat watching tv sitting on the worn out sofa at all the time. I was happy when I was in Nepal... then I remember the hardships I've gone through. Perhaps this is a learning process I am going through. By being bad I'm learning how to be good.

It's not always good to be listened... believe me!

Have you ever had the experience of someone paying close, respectful atttention as you spoke - hanging onto your every word? Did it not make you feel special and valued, as if your opinion mattered?

People want to feel that way, whether they are in position of authority or not. So they appreciate those who truly listen to them. I am among them.

Few years ago, I met a guy named S who always gave appealing look every time he passes through my shop at Bhotahity Galli. Me and my friend M noticed this and matter of factly, we jumped to the conclusion that this guy must be a gay or else must be a carzy jerk. Otherwise in lieu of looking and admiring an opposite gender, he's more into looking at the same gender.

This continued until one day when he came to my shop, asking the price of shoes - a lame excuse, of course! to come near me - I knew...

Although I and M had slightest idea about his sexual status, the way he speak made me feel more accurate on our earlier assumption. He spoke to me in a manner that is very girlish and no body could have simply avoided. He started coming daily and notably my neighbours next door would always stare at us. At some point I thought they must have been thinking me as THAT way too. It can be seen into their eyes that they're very supicious over me.

Well... relation kept growing and till that point nothing had happened and I took him for granted and I felt his presence left no further visible effect on peoples around us. Everyone returned back to their own respective occupied businesses.

He would then talk to me like if we're meant to be a very best friends or more than that. I trusted him and appreciated like no others when I realised that he's listening to every words that's coming out of my mouth. His open-ended and occassional close-ended questions were the proofs to that that he valued me more than anything else and he would suggest me like if he's always ready to give me his shoulder to lean when situation go thin for me.

This continued for few more weeks. M, however was not satisfied with the ship I boarded in and he would always suggest me to come out of it. At some point he thought he'd magic spelled on me.

One morning S came and asked me for dinner together that night. My suspicion towards S then revived again and I just closed my shop hours earlier than the usual time that day and headed to an apartment at Kwabahal, Thamel.

To my surprise, S was standing right before the door when I rush opened the door hearing someone's knock from outside. I'm just shocked and my mouth remained wide open. M and I were about to have our dinner when this guy arrived but he didn't listen to me, he insisted me untill I agreed and took me along with him to Yin Yang restaurant where we'd a date with Martin [who's a owner of Yin Yang].

I had my bike with me so that we can drive to anywhere we wanted to. We had a nice chat with Martin, who's a citizen of switzerland, I learnt it later. Actually S had a nice chat with Martin and I was just nodding and ocassionally shaking my head when asked about something because then I didn't have adequate knowledge in practical english. The chatting began to be more interesting with each sip of red wine and highly nutrient dishes. A big red lobster soup is one among them, to be precise.

Time advanced to midnight and one.. two and I wanted to return to my apartment just nearby but since he's all alone and no vehicle to return, and also because of his too much insistence I drove off to Balaju where his apartment was situated. Along the way he started showing his true colors.

In fact, he started showing his true colors when he asked me what I felt about homosexuals or gays in the restaurant. For which, I just replied, "they are humans like us, they too have purpose in life like us. So, being a human being I do not have any disrespect for other human being." With my this reply, he was darn happy, I could see the smile wrinkles across his face.

Then what crossed my mind was the thought possibly could have been running through his mind. He might have thought that after all, all the energies that he'd spent over me was just worth it.

On the other hand ... its me who's just scared of the thought of whether I'm going to be raped by my own gender. To my shock, it didn't took long time from turning my fear into reality.

I was fully intoxicated like him, he just kept insisting me to slide down my pant. When I didn't, he did it himself and ate me. That was the worst experience of my life.

Some time later again I met him on my way to shop and he told me that he's attending to a meditation programme of which I was less bothered about but then didn't made any delay on saying it that was the very sane decision you've made ever and we are seperated and he's never seen again.

After that incident, it's rather very easy for me to identify the gays walking down the streets of Kathmandu valley but there always come this question in my mind that why gays always make it to sex. Why couldn't there be something other than sex.

Gay fellows, I am sorry to say this but this way you are isolating yourself from normal society. The future is bleak for gays, at least in our Nepali society because it's just a taboo.

Anyways, it just left me with a guilt and a fear in coming days - fear that raised lots of questions - questions about my gender [ppl might have thought even I was gay], my social position and so many things. I was very much frustrated and couldn't help telling it to selective good friends inorder to get consultation and I was just convinced that I was framed in a way where no body could have escaped befrending a guy/gay like S.

Coming to the point, it is good to be listened and it is also good for your knowldege if you can listen but don't always listen to every one and don't let them listen to you always, too because it is just not worth it sometime.The best course of action could be, learn to be a good listener. This is the basic but also try being a pragmatic rather than following one specific idea.

I hope I am not opening Pandora's box here by narrating this.

Story of my own

Born in the heart of Kathmandu city, I always had a good time despite the absence of my mom until one day arrived, a day when I left home to become free and in search of liberty - my true liberty which would allow me to take actions on my very own decisions. Good or bad, I just started taking action and my journey to my self-choosen insecure future had begun on March 1996.

For the next couple of years I've gone through hell despair, financial owes and lots of difficulties are a norm. It wouldn't have been that difficult to me if I had a difficult childhood. But it wasn't and my anxieties knows no boudary. I was always depressed and left me be in a quandry all the time. But I always kept myself moving because somewhere I read that it's going to be a sunny day tomorrow.

Within these two years I've had enough of my loneliness and once I made my way back to home thinking I'd be accepted but my expectation remained for only few hours. It was then that I made myself stronger and started my journey all over again but this time fate had something in store for me, I was accepted as a salesman.

I came across people from all walk of life. As a sales man I was very much successful in persuading customers to sale the products. I was taking a taste of new life but still that wouldn't have promised a secure tomorrow.

Nevertheless, that was a nice feeling after such a long time. Meanwhile, I'd lots of friends and handful of very much trusted friends, the presence of whom just kept me going. By then, I had completed my Diploma in Business Studies but was still not ready for the competitive job market. I didn't have what it takes to be in competitive job market. Perhaps I didn't have right kind of qualification at the time but I was fully equippedwith practical business principles.

I continued working as a sales man from where I've earned trust of my boss and loyalty to them. Soon I started to deal personally with various distributors and parties and became close to them too. I was more than happy when I started to take handle of all financial give-and-take independently.

Life's like a roller coaster because there're lots of ups and downs and to learn how to cope and keep going is the only option given to us as a human being. Country's political failure created huge dilemma and in no time violence broke down and businesses plunges into deep fall. We are in the verge of bankruptcy and soon it was realised. The market condition was totally bleak and totally unpredictable. Many have gone bankrupt. Eventually, I lost myjob.

I only had a day or two with me to decide my fate and then something sprout in my mind and as per it suggested I took a huge risk of owning the whole shop and I did it in very limited time. I couldn't believe that I was a sole proprieter of the whole new shop. As a human being we are always left with challenges to reach where we wanted to be. There are exceptional cases who doesn't have to suffer just because they've born with silverspoon in their mouth.

It's not my fault that I didn't born with silver spoon in my mouth nor iron spoon rather I pursued my whole journey all alone putting my own thumb in my mouth thinking the day would for sure come one day!

Sleepless nights had begun when I proceeded to such a risky step. Stress level went up because they're my friends and I'm scared of this idea of not being able to pay them within deadline. Although there's no official deadline was set, I felt it hard that I must pay them back as soon as possible.

Financial straints exists even after that. I started concetrating in the business more than usual. But time came when it was virtually impossible for me to handle the business all by myself. A partner then emerged to buy 50% stake from my total invested capital. Shop did modest business after that amid the existing chaos and political violence in the country. More than a year since I started business, I just reinvested all the profits into the business of over all those periods. I never pay back because I couldn't have made it well should I have paid them back then. Something always struck in my mind and I know what's that precisely.

For this reason, I applied to one of the colleges in the UK and accepted as a full time student. As luck hasn't it for me, my interview turned turtle and visa's denied. Now, I only had one easy choice to be made,which I did it realising the potential setbacks.

It was then for the second time, I thought about my parent but it couldn't have worked too and one day I left forMalaysia, taking into account what my priorities are. In this process I had to left my Bachelor's program pending but I have never given up my study and continued after coming in Malaysia.

Glowing amid silence

This article is posted after a consent of Yvoone Foong and its sole purpose is to raise awareness among Nepali society and to help Yvoone Foong collect funds

"Yes, I want to spread awareness about NF2 in Nepal also" replied Yvonne Foong when approached via her personal website.

Yvonne Foong, a 20 yrs old student who's pursuing journalism at Life College, was first diagnosed with a rare, incurable disease called Neurofibromatosis Type-2 (NF2) at the age of 16, which causes tumours to grow on her spine, brain and nerves.

I found this topic very important as many have not known about this illness. Or, this is what I've been thinking. I came to know about this only last August.

There are two types in Neurofibromatosis. NF1 occurs in every 4,000 births while NF2 in every 40,000. There are only two known NF2 patients in Malaysia, one of which is Yvonne Fong. Who's a great writer and an author of her biography, I Am Not Sick, Just A Little Unwell, which would be hitting the bookstores in a few months. Besides, she speaks at colleges, schools, clubs and churches despite not being able to hear, her voice is chirpy and clear. Yes, the tumours interfered with her auditory nerves and she became completely deaf a year ago.

The main purpose of this article is not only to raise the awareness about NF2 in our society but also to present an extraordinary Yvonne Fong who's determined and motivated to greater mission because she's the must influential 'n powerful young woman I've ever come across.

"How many tumours I do have? I've lost track. Besides those in my brain and along the spine, there are new growths on peripheral nerves beneath the skin that can be felt". writes Yvonne in an email interview.

Besides being a full-time student, she some how finds time to maintain an amazing blog (www.yvonnefoong.com), reply emails within the day, write for various magazines and newspapers and raise funds for charitable causes besides her own. It was created not only to spread awareness about NF2 and appeal for donations for her treatment, but also to allow her an outlet to polish her writing (which ranges from blogs and stories to poems).

she's still raising funds for her surgery which cost about USD58,600. of which total of RM61,251.70 has been raised already. The target is : Ringgit Malaysia 230,000.00 (as of today's equavalent RM 1 = NRS 20.17 as per Kantipuronline.com).

"With perseverance, we can reach for skies" tells her, sharing her feelings after achieving an AYA award - award which is presented to the Most Outstanding Youth, which is designed to inspire; this award seeks to encourage individuals and institutions to persevere in their dreams in spite of obstacles they encounter. After winning this award last year, Yvonne's pursuing her dream of becoming a hard-hitting, mafia-toppling journalist at Life College.

Click here to know more about Neurofibromatosis type 1 & 2.

Donate for Yvonne Foong's treatment click here for more informations.

concluded!

Coming Soon!!! There's a rare disease called Neurofibromatosis Type 2 (NF-2) which is going on around for the past few years. Tomorrow, You'll get to know more about the disease that is genetic disorder. Right here on my online journal.